Adulthood

I got a job. Yes🤗 Thank you. My situation is more of a predictable one, i knew that right after varsity i will get a job.so i had a chance to choose where i wanna go and unfortunately life showed me another direction.

Imagine getting a call notifying you that you got a job but you dont get happy because of the location. Ya that was me. Fastfoward…i have realized that i have been praying and now this is what i get.so God obviously got plans for me, God know why m i here, and soon i will find out.

I am happy where i am and i will peacefully live here. What’s fascinating is the thought of exploring this whole place, finding what i like about the place and leaving the good life.

Ok here are so of the hobbies i wanna do: i wanna join gym, make swimming a regular exercise and drink lot of water😄.

Broken

All i ever wanted was to get the guy i have always wanted, love him, build up with him and ofcause expecting him to love me back as much as i do. Did i think i got that?yes i did. But unfortunately i couldn’t be the person who would meet all his ticks.i probably lack something.
This hurt me the most i still dont know how m i suppose to get through it.
Imagine being in a relationship, trusting your partner with all of your life, ignoring all sorts of gut feelings about the relationship, thinking that the relationship will be of a life time and then everything just sink down.how will you feel?
Think about the pain i am feeling now. I know people get heartbroken, i once was a victim but despite that i fought my subconscious about it until it was convinced that m stronger than my past and i am capable of maintaining a good relationship.
M a 23 year old who has lost all confidence in her self, who thinks she’s not good enough, who thinks she’s ugly and not well build up body wise, when she look at the mirror she sees all bad things about her self. She cannot even take a selfie anymore because of all the flashbacks of faces she saw.she cannot control her mind, it keeps of comparing her and them. A girl who was happy for a moment and its all gone, she’s a girl who is unhappy now. I am the girl.

how i met the dude ‘m smashing.


It has been 10 nice months since we started dating but how we met traces back to 2012. There comes a guy my way, offers to walk me.. “ok” I said. I never saw this guy, dark, talk and super skinny, he somehow looked older than me considering that I didn’t know him plus I’ve always been that small package. You can imagine, so he was wrapping up his matric exams when we started talking, back in mxit days. that’s where I got to know his personality, he is impatient ands wants things done his way😣. after his matric he went to varsity. he’d propose to me but I wasn’t ready to take a control freak like him in and I was just a mere high school chick I never thought a guy from varsity who sees a lot of different chicks would be down to me n besides if had my then boyfriend.


oh God I loved this dude but he was arrogant AF, he’d hurt me deliberately cause he knew I loved him but never wanted to give him a chance, I had my fears he didn’t strike me like the committing type, he just lived in the moment, who was I to trust a guy who stays in 012 when I was in the rural areas of Tzaneen. this bustard was very confusing he’d be so I mean so sweet and the next moment he doesn’t give a rats ass about anything. but I knew he is the only person I could confide in. lot of rumours were spread that we dating that didn’t bother me n I would fuel this rumours sometimes by admitting to chicks he was trying for, call me a bitch but I was marking my territory.
I’d change bf without considering giving him a chance because from my perspective he was living a life of his dreams and I stood no chance. This guy only came home during June and December recess (Θ_Θ).fast forward i passed my matric, went to varsity. Guess what! he is still in the picture and still bulling my feelings. I blocked him in all my social media, that’s how pissed he used to get me. I already mastered his numbers so I would call and make him listen to my breath, he would call and would just pick up and laugh it off after some 30min talking things would turn up and we would start swearing to each other.my man was a total black dick in a reclying bin.we only dated on the phone not even kiss he got from me. I’d pour my heart to him over WhatsApp but always chickened out when he returned home for recess.


At varsity i met a guy, don’t know for what reason i told him about the dude who have always been in my life thought it wouldn’t make sense to say he is the dude who wanted me then i lied to my guy n told him that P is the ex, meanwhile P is busy jerking me off but then me n P were in a relationship with our partners but kept communicating like we dating, it’s now that i understand that entertaining people who wants your ass is equal to cheating coz that’s what my involvement with P lead to!SMASHING😋….
To be continued

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